'checking out' of the library system.

at first i thought it was just a ventura county library thing. i tried to get a library card at thousand oaks city library. i was so proud because i made it there just in time before closing so i could check out audiobooks for my long commutes to and from OC. i picked the perfect audiobooks too, and even began imagining the smooth narrator voice reading me the finest story ever told and me reveling in the author's imagination of how his/her book should be heard by the readers. lo and behold, i get to the checkout counter, and the guy asks if i reside in thousand oaks. no, i don't. it doesn't even count if i reside in the next town over (although my DL still reflects my central coast address, but i did have a local business card handy) or the same county. i'd have to pay an annual fee to check out anything except media, which wasn't even free of charge to begin with. he explains to me that because it's a city library, not a county library, it's private and exclusive for T.O. residents because it's funded by the city's taxpayers. what the hell happened? whatever happened to local, FREE, PUBLIC libraries? i thought library was synonymous with free knowledge for the general public regardless of what address is listed on their DL. so i politely declined and asked for change to buy my next meal..no, just kidding.

so i then i trek over to the simi valley library, confident my actual residence in that city would allow me free reign over all the magnificent audiobooks in their fine shelves. once again at the checkout counter, the library rep asks me for my DL,which i show him.

"ma'am, do you have a local residence?"
"why, yes i do, but i recently moved so my DL does not reflect that."
"well, you need to show verification that you reside in simi valley. do you happen to have a paystub or bill or anything signifying this?"

WHAT?!? i had bills and paystubs at home, but since when did FREE, PUBLIC libraries go extinct? probably before dinosaurs did!

"i don't have those items with me, sir, but i do have my local business card. will that suffice?"

BINGO. one good thing my employer did for me is issue me local business cards. wa-la! off i go with 3 audiobooks tucked under my happy little arms. too bad those audiobooks didn't end up half as good as their back covers purported. but i do have to recommend The Life Of Pi. pretty good Indian accent, if i do say so myself.

ok. so here i was today, at the OC public library. i had a bad feeling the same thing was going to happen. my DL still says atascadero, i still did not have verification i resided in OC because I DON'T. but gosh darnit, i wanted to check out audiobooks. i wanted to enjoy what public libraries were intended for--free knowledge and entertainment, and a place to cool off on a 100 degree day like today. but it was a county library, so would the same rules apply? would it be a free library open to all? kinda like what the statue of liberty must represent to all those immigrants entering ellis island for the first time. the hope and promise of the american dream, land of the free, home of the brave. except all i was looking for was a land of free audiobooks! is that too much to ask for? apparently.

"i'm sorry ma'am. your DL does not match the address listed on your application."
"oh that's because i recently moved. but i can provide a business card that is in the same city as where i reside. or i can just use the old address listed on my DL." i did not care if they sent bills to my non-working address.
"well the business card address does not match the address listed on your application."
"well, that can be changed."
"well the business card address does not match the address listed on your application."
[was this woman brain damaged?]

so she referred me over to another woman who was obviously her superior.
same conversation ensued. i inform her that the kind lady at the Information desk (and i was telling the truth) said as long as i am a CA residence, i can apply for a library card. the superior said this was incorrect, but she would be so kind as to make one exception for a desperate wanna-be library patron just this one time although this was clearly NOT the policy as i needed to be a residence of OC plus,
"well the business card address does not match the address listed on your application."

i wanted to choke this barely high school educated non-English speaking person of authority in her corner of the world. she very reluctantly scanned my items, making sure i did not exceed my new library patron checkout limit of 3 items. she reminded me once again that this was truly an exception she herself was making despite the MisInformation desk lady telling me otherwise. checking out those audiobooks felt harder than getting away with a million dollar jackpot that wasn't mine. as i left the AC building into the sweltering oven heat, i was still baffled at how public libraries became so exclusive to certain residents, wallet sizes, and apparently, what was written on your DL. and if you pass those tests, you still have to contend with the patron-satisfication-NOT-guaranteed dimwits running the place.

what happened to the days of sweet old lady librarians who would so kindly stop in the midst of organizing their dewey decimal systems on old hand-written index cards that fit neatly into old wooden index shelves just to answer your questions?

after checking out these library systems and barely being able to check out anything besides librarians' bad attitudes, i am so checking out of the library system. next up: downloadable online books.