leaving things under the tree.

JoyLuck Club is truly one of my favorite movies about Chinese culture. i remember one of the opening scenes. one of the mothers in the movie is trudging along in the country side, in war-torn China with her child in the wheelbarrow. she is obviously distraught, poor, sick, and at her wits end. she realizes that the only way her child might survive is if she leaves him under the tree and someone might find him and take him under their care. she believes she is on her way to death. she is crying profusely during that scene and it is by far one of the saddest scenes in the movie (in my opinion).

my situation is comparable but thankfully alot happier and promising. i won't be leaving my dog under a tree by any means, but it's more like leaving her on the doorstep of a very wealthy and dog-loving family house where i know they will take her in and love her like their own. i know she will have a wonderful life with that family. so essentially i'm like that mother in the movie but at least i can be at peace knowing nibblet will be loved and taken care of. i never really had the makings for a good home for an active, outdoor activity dog. i don't have a house, yard, i work alot and am not home alot, she has no kids or other dogs as playmates, i don't do enough outdoor activities. nibblet essentially just sleeps all day and lives for dog parks and long walks and of course my love at the end of the day. but after she's been hanging at my dog-sitters for a while now and hearing of how happy she is, i am about to make the most unselfish decision of my life. i will give up her being in my life so that she will have a better one.

i'd rather be the mother in the movie. at least that's just make believe. this just sucks.