the smell of insides.

i don't like smelling her puke circulating in the AC. living with someone with bulimia is a tough job.

parallel.

parallel lines
that's what i see
is what happened to her
going to happen to me?
too many similarities
to turn a blind eye
5 months later
they said their goodbyes.
from incompatibilities
to small irritations
sexual chemistry
was their greatest elation.
differing values
that couldn't be compromised
even greater
was the increase in clothing size.
her balance in life
was disrupted completely
calling it quits
snuck up on her discreetly.
he told her
"you'll never find anyone better"
months later
she overturned what he said to her.
will we end up like that
only time will tell
either way
i pray things end well.

famous pug?

this famous actor may be adopting my pug... :) he'll be giving me a call to see if he'll take Nibblet or hook me up with a pug rescue organization. YAY! My pug could end up being a celebrity's dog!

here's a blurb..

RODNEY KAGEYAMA (ROBERT)

BIO

Rodney has been an actor for 27 years. He began his career in San Francisco as one of the original members of the Asian American Theatre Company. He also attended the American Conservatory Theatre.

Since coming to Los Angeles in 1979, he has become a member of East West Players where he has worked as an actor, designer, and director. Rodney has acted in many films and TV shows, “Karate Kid II and IV,” “Gung Ho,” “Quantum Leap,” and “Home Improvement,” just to name a few. He can presently be seen in the new Disney Theme Park California Adventure, where he is in the historical film called “California Dream.”

He is also a strong advocate for animal rescue, having adopted many dogs on his own. He presently lives with four pugs.

the concert.

wow factor throughout. the dude is phenomenal even 17 years later. still a GM fan after all these years.

the city.

a trip to the city is not complete without a pic of the bridge.
de young.
palace of fine arts.
i love the perspective in subway stations.spare the air day!
MUNI
china town
trolley
lunch from the taco truck was mmmm...delicious!by the embarcadero

u can see coit tower in the distance. and angel island.
the cannery.
it was a record high in san fran last week. to be environmentally conscious, they established a "spare the air day" where all public transit was free in order to encourage use of them. by design, a very hot day was chosen as they must have guessed that people would be crankin up their air and using up more gas thus, sparing the air proved even more vital. to our dismay, it was apparently also "spare the air con day" on the MUNI, cable cars, subways and trolleys, making it a very toasty day indeed, unprecedented in the city which Mark Twain described, "the coldest winter i've ever known was a summer in san francisco!"

the nephew.

he's cute.
he loves to dance.
he loves attention.
he loves his mommy and daddy.
he doesn't know who the woman chasing him around with her camera is. :)

penelope the cat.

cute kitty and the best part is how penelope is the color of a fawn pug, right down to the black face and ears!

herpes.

no, i don't have it. but it's interesting how the topic has come up 3 times in the past few days.
first, when i was on the plane, i pondered how the whole "let's get tested together before we have sex" deal goes. so what happens if either of you find out you have an STD at the testing site? do u suddenly say, i'm not interested in you anymore because you have an STD? people with STD's need love too. do you just change your mind and say, "thanks but no thanks"? isn't an STD like a medical condition? i mean, do u say, 'i'm not interested because you have diabetes?" it's not like those people went out and sought the STD. they obviously didn't want it. it's a medical condition, right? it makes for some awkward times, i'd say. and what happens after you date someone for a while, both parties believe they're clean, then one or both of them get tested or get tested for something else and accidentally find out they have herpes? does the partner end the relationship? is it like, "i don't like you anymore cus you have herpes?" how does that work? so i posed the question to D, who responded, u can answer hypothetically all you want, but when it really happens, there are emotions involved and you may respond differently anyway.

then the Tigress tells me her friend sent her stuff on herpes and she's now worried about having sex with others for fear of herpes.

then my friend karen tells me her almost-bf confides in her that he has herpes but it's only contagious to your partner if you are having an outbreak. and you can decrease outbreaks if you live healthy, decrease stress and take care of yourself. he also said you can have unprotected sex and not catch it so long as your partner isn't having an outbreak. he says that you can have it and never know you have it for years until you outbreak. karen read a little about herpes and learned that 60% of people have it. she's worried because she wants to eventually have kids if they end up together but that would mean unprotected sex. she took the plunge and had protected sex for first time with a man she knew had herpes. i urged her to read more about facts and myths about herpes cus everyone is so paranoid about STDs and alot of it could be myths for all we know. but i don't know what i'd do in her situation. it's a toughie cus she really likes him.

all this herpes talk in a course of a few days.

eat. pray. love.

i picked up a novel at the SFO airport this past week. it's called eat. pray. love. a friend of mine had recommended it awhile back and i had been searching for the audiobook of it to save myself my eyes and my time, but i never found it. i had about 2 hours to kill at the airport. i wish i had brought another DeathNote with me but i had finished the volume i had and didn't want to twiddle my thumb for 120 minutes. so after much deliberation about which book i'd purchase and probably never pick up again after boarding the plane, i chose eat. pray. love. i'm glad i did. i have not gotten very far. but i can always appreciate a memoir about self-discovery and finding inner peace and balance because i think that has been my personal journey all my life. the novel is about the author's journey to italy (eat), india (pray), and indonesia (love) after a horrible divorce and painful love affair. i've always believed in going off to unknown lands after enduring troubled times as a way to regroup and find yourself again. i believe being somewhere entirely unfamiliar brings out the true you and you find out what you're made of. it also fosters major self-reflexiveness. after sharing the gist of the first few pages of the novel with D, to no surprise, he was in disagreement. there was a part of the novel where she is describing how painful a divorce was. she likened it to being in a multi-car accident everyday for 2 years straight. she also described the strange phenomenon of how two people (divorcing) who were once so compatible in so many ways become the worst of strangers so quickly. which reminded me of my brief text encounter with T, my ex.

i was in the bay area this past week for the best concert ever (pictures to follow). T knew i was up there, and that's where he lives. so he asks how long i'm in town for, but of course i had already left the area and had no intention of meeting him anyway. the text messaging that followed completely reaffirmed what the author in the aforementioned memoir was alluding to. we were so completely compatible in so many ways (back when we were compatible) but i was completely disappointed and rather sad when i realized we were these two strangers who now had nothing in common and could never bond in the way we used to so naturally and comfortably. i actually felt sick to my stomach when i realized this and when it became crystal clear to me. it was exactly the way the author described.

i plan to finish this novel, no matter how many airports i have to wait for delayed flights in. my quest is also to eat pray and love.

Backbone Trail

this is the backbone of the Santa Monica mountains. who would have figured there were mountains in Santa Monica? Just down the road is Malibu. Trails in LA? :)

let me.

let me apologize
as i look you in the eyes
let me say i'm sorry
while i spare you the long story.
let me voice my remorse
until my throat is hoarse.
let me show you my guilt
as i let my dignity melt.
let me illustrate my upset
because this is the lowest i'll get.
let me relinquish this shame
that i have only myself to blame.
i feel awful
what i've done is unlawful
please forgive me
and let my sins leave me.

i'm sorry my love.

Back in the Wild(wood).

here are some shots of Santa Rosa trail, still part of Wildwood. we're really enjoying the end of Spring climate and the fields of gold.

a friend in need is a friend in need.

i can truly understand how much clearer the picture is when you're outside looking in. i see the person i used to be when i look at her and it pains me deeply. one without foresight or hindsight. reckless and foolhardy, so so blind. he is an awful, horrible perverted jerk yet she cannot see that, or does not want to. he does to her what others once did to me and my friends tried to warn me about those men, yet i ignored them all, believing that that particular jerk was an exception to the rule. listening to her makes me sick and sad inside, i almost don't want to talk to her. honestly, i wish she'd stop talking about him and what he makes her do. i feel disgusted and want to shake her as hard as i can so she will wake up, so she will feel the disgust i feel and feel so ashamed and embarrassed that she will never think about him again without cringing. for her stories make me cringe with utter horror and loathe. i can now see what my friends had always warned me about with those men. their silent screams were in vain, as i could not hear what i did not want to hear. nor can my friend in need. i've tried everything i could to convince her but she remains unmoved. it is true. people will do what they will do. you can share your war stories but they will fall on deaf ears. only when she opens hers and her eyes will things begin to make sense. but i do fear that it is too late.

Wildwood.

goin wild in Wildwood.