pilate hottie.

next month, i'm planning to take a class on Pilates. i've taken a couple of yoga classes and have heard that Pilates is more strenous and there's no relaxation involved. in fact, i heard it's quite the workout. i do have to say the instructor and classmates make the class. i went to this one fu-fu yoga class in SLO where all the perfectly-toned college chicks go to see and be seen, with their color-coordinated tights matching their hair barettes, sheek yoga bags and corresponding water bottles. they're not there for yoga. they're there to advertise that they don't need yoga to look that good but heck, yoga class seemed to be the most fashionable thing. it's like wagging the dog. they didn't employ yoga to develop that body. they simply found an art form that one would assume would produce a body like theirs. needless to say, they lost me as a customer. then i went to the yoga class at the gym. the instructor went way too fast. i didn't even have time to pull the wedgie out of my ass. and way too many middle-aged housewives wanting to look good for their sexually uninterested mid-life crisis husbands in class. but i did go to this one low-key unpublicized yoga class in ohio. it was held at night in a spare room in a church. the yoga instructor had been doing this all her life. she displayed pictures of yogis she had trained under in india. she wasn't in it for the money. in fact, she didn't even seem to mind if we didn't pay. she lived and breathed yoga. she set up the perfect lighting, music and pace. and her voice. the most gentle, tender and soothing voice i've ever heard. it was like melted butter. not even the I can't believe it's not butter crap. i'm talking pure, unadulterated butter. like how a mother must speak to her newborn child. she let us determine our own pace. she mixed in meditation, breathing, relaxation, stretching and non-judgment. she let us be. the best part was that the people in the class didn't even seem to notice anyone else was in the class. we were truly in our own private yoga worlds. i've been in search for a replication of that. so far, no luck. i'm beginning to think it was all a dream.

i can't wait to be a pilate hottie. you've seen those women. all slenderly shaped, well-toned, not an extra crease in their perfect bodies. they just glide around. they just bend with the wind. they exude grace even when they take a shit. they're the only ones who can make spandex look so damn sexy. of course, i don't expect to ever wear spandex outside my house (or at all for that matter) no matter how much yog-ates i do.

i'm not that cruel.