much ado about the day of birth.

i actually have massive anxiety when planning a celebration for someone, be it birthdays, valentine's day, anniversaries.

i think i'm just really bad at it. some chicks really dig that stuff. they're natural at it. they thrive in it. they just know what to plan, how to do it with grace and make it look so easy. they have all the right ideas, they're efficient, they know what the person wants, and they find the best deals while they are at it. martha stewart, my sister, my friend bunnyfoofoo are examples. i wish i could be more like them. or perhaps just have that talent.

i think i'm afraid the guest of honor won't be totally happy with it. i just want it to be perfect for them. to be absolutely memorable. i want them to think, "wow, she knew exactly what i wanted, she caught that small detail of our conversation, she was listening, i can't believe she remembered that, how thoughtful."

i'm afraid i didn't get them the right things. or set it up the right way. i just want it to be meaningful to that person. i want it to be special. i want my celebration to be the best one they have ever had.

my better half is closing up his 2nd decade of life tomorrow. i didn't know what to get him. still don't. i prefer to make things like songs, poems, cards, paintings, because i'm sentimental that way but it's nice to actually get something tangible. i made something last night but hated it. perhaps he'll appreciate it simply because i made it? let's hope he's as sentimental as i am. i prefer experiences rather than gifts, like trips, concerts, performing arts, cruises. but that's me.

but i so wanted to hand him something tomorrow night when i saw him.

i know. i'll give him me. but he already has that.

massive anxiety. much ado about the day of birth.